The Change Cycle

Mapping a meta-skill: The capacity to move through transformation.

I completed my coach training and certification with Ph.D. and author, Martha Beck — Oprah’s life coach (even Oprah needs a coach!). The below is derived from Martha’s Change Cycle - a psychological framework to map and understand our inner experiences of life’s transitions. 

Naming and understanding the Change Cycle, and where you are in it, can feel good because it reduces cognitive load. Among other things, your beautiful brain — evolutionarily wired to predict and survive — can soften when it knows how to label and categorize your experience. 

The Cycle starts with a catalytic event. A loss. The loss can be a shock (sudden, unwelcome, externally driven), an opportunity (a theoretically welcome change), or a transition (a slower shift or change in awareness; growth; internally driven). 

Regardless of the type of catalytic event, it feels disorienting. This is the most obvious sign that you are entering the change cycle. It can feel like you can’t quite make life work the way it used to. Like you’re stuck.

This makes sense because any catalytic event requires the dissolution of at least part of your identity, to evolve into the identity that will better fit your current life.

The Change Cycle has four squares, which we can think of as seasons. You cycle through these seasons, in a generally upward direction. Absorbing what each square offers is a meta-skill (the capacity to adapt to transformation - to effectively learn and unlearn). If you start to see and experience change in this way, any change will be easier for you. Since life is all about evolving and navigating change, your life becomes easier. 

Square One is “Death and Rebirth.” The motto for Square 1 is: “I don’t know what the hell is happening, and that’s okay.” The focus is on internal moves. It generally has three parts: early grieving; a liminal phase; and slowly coming out.  You know you’re in it when you’re feeling lost, anxious, confused, grieving, or feeling a loss of identity or purpose.

Here, we effectively grieve the loss in ways that work with your body. You question thoughts that no longer fit reality, and build a trusting relationship with your body’s signals. You cultivate authentic discernment. You learn a lot, you unlearn a lot. You lighten your cognitive load, and grow your capacity to accurately attune to your body. Square One is about releasing what no longer fits. As a result, you can feel much more confident and connected to your body’s signals, which can feel like increased energy and aliveness.

Square Two is “Dreaming and Scheming.” The motto is: “There are no rules, and that’s okay.” Here, we take big action steps inside the mind. You know you’re in Square Two when the waves of grief, anger, or denial get more peaceful. There is a sense of relief from the chaos. You look at the world, and something occurs to you that you hadn’t considered before. This is why effective completion of Square One is so essential. Square three moves from a Square One mind and body typically cause more harm than good. Since you’ve re-oriented toward vitality in a way that works for your body and your life, you now feel more hopeful, curious, and more interested in the world. 

Here, we connect with your dreams and your imagination. We get out of your beautiful thinking brain, and you become a vessel for creativity. Even if you’re the most concrete achiever — maybe even especially — Square Two will blow your mind. It opens up a magical relationship to creativity. 

From this creativity, you start seeing the world differently. Noticing different information, different ways of doing things. It can feel as if information starts coming to you. You start to move with a greater sense of ease and efficacy. This is where you scheme. Once you get very clear on your scheme, you move to Square Three.

Square Three is “The Road of Trials.” The motto is: “This is harder than I thought, and that’s okay.” Here, you make big moves out in the world. You fail, and learn, on repeat. You start making your dreams come true. You run into snags, then look with clarity at the reasons why. 

You go through an accelerated trip to Square One when needed to let go of the idea that XYZ should happen quickly or in a specific way. By doing so, you dissolve your barriers to learning. You move through Square Two and tap into your imagination to find a solution to the problem you’ve encountered. Then you return to Square Three with fresh ideas and fewer limitations.

When your external moves are aligned with your dreams, you find yourself in Square Four, “The promised land.” The motto here is: “Change is happening, and that’s okay.” Here, you’ve cycled through Squares One, Two, and Three so many times that there aren’t that many problems anymore. You make small adjustments. You polish. You’re prepared for change, and you know where to go when it comes. You no longer interpret change as evidence you’ve failed.

With the embodied shifts and insights gained from being coached through the Change Cycle, change becomes less fear-based and less disorienting. You navigate life’s inevitable transitions from a more grounded place, fueled by self-trust and possibility. 

That’s the meta-skill.